2010

I thought it might be a little early to write this post...I wanted to wait until New Year's Eve. But as I sat down with my big cup of coffee, my Bible, and a journal this morning, it was so amazing to me the many ways God has been at work this year. And I'm so glad He isn't finished yet.

It's not that I think God has been more present this year than in any others. I do think, though, that He works in different ways all the time, constantly challenging us to keep our faith strong, seek Him, and trust His will every day. And I think that at different times in our lives, we are more ready and willing to seek Him 100% and reflect on how He has been present, while other times, we choose to "coast" along. I so wish I were a 100% of the time person...but I don't believe any of us are. Only Jesus and His example is 100%, and that is where His amazing love, grace, and mercy fall into place...replacing the pieces we are missing. Isn't it amazing, that our God is a living God, and He goes with us and before us in all we do?! I will never fully understand that while I'm here on Earth, but then, I'm not supposed to. Having faith means trusting in God with our whole heart, even when we don't see or understand. 


So - as I look back over this year, month by month, it is almost impossible for me to count all the times I have experienced God's presence. I look at how last year I had just started my blog and only had 10 posts at this time, and this year...I have 105, now 106! I am truly thankful for the ways I have grown and been challenged this year, and am still being challenged as I look forward to 2011. I don't want it to be that I simply look back then move on. My heart's desire is to start where God has brought me to now, and keep building. To stand on that firm foundation and allow Him to stretch me even more. To leave the zone that has now become "comfortable," and step into the unknown. 

Just reading and looking back at all my posts from 2010, it is exciting to me to see all that has happened this year. I made a list, thinking about each month...but trying to keep it just that - a list, to help me see as many things as possible . In my mind, I can expand on each one, and by reading over my posts from the year, you can definitely see the more detailed version of many of these things!

January - Returning from a mission trip to Mexico, a fresh start to school in the middle of my second year, MMEA conference, enjoying the snow (sometimes! ha), Wrote and submitted grant to AOSA for world drums to use in classroom next year - (submitted by express mail due to waiting 'til the last minute deadline - this is frequently how I work, and seem to do best this way...lol...)

February - The. longest. month. ever., discouragement at work and just in general, Signed up for Weight Watchers at Work group (a great decision!)

March - Spring Break, Visit with my Aunt JaNelle in St. Louis area, Conversation with the parents of a good friend in college (led my heart to begin thinking about the JM application again!), Weekend in Springfield with my sister, Decision to submit part one (basic interest/info form) of JM application - unsure of what the timeline was (would I have to leave my job before the next year?), Received and submitted part two of the application (a little more in-depth than part one)

April - School was still a little hard (feeling burnt out for some reason), Notification that I received the AOSA grant - (new world drums for next year's classroom! Wonderful news!!), Waiting for part three of the application to come, Phone call from IMB (conversation about some basic concerns with part two of the application, but they could all be taken care of and they would soon be sending part three! - now had a timeline - would not leave my teaching job until after the next year), Visit to Arkadelphia, Informed by principal and superintendent that our school would be closed after May, Waiting for an answer about where I would be next year - (no music jobs open at the time), Courage from the Lord to share something on my heart and have peace about it, Invited to join the praise team at church and began singing in the contemporary services

May - Still waiting for my job assignment, 25th birthday coming - (decided to celebrate every day in some way!), Somewhat started the third part of the app - still feeling a little intimidated by it and hoping to finish over the summer), Packing up my classroom at school, Decided to move home for the next year, Last programs of the year (and possibly for a long time! - it was getting a little harder to think about leaving music, each day), New job assignment! - (Guitar?! and...High School?! Ummm....ok....), School ended, Summer vacation!, Reunion with Swiharts (passing through town - what a blessing!), Memorial Day Weekend with friends in Branson, 25th Birthday!!

June - First summer completely off...ever! (Since I've been old enough to work!), Phone call from HR - new job! (K-6 music at Wood - the other teacher wanted to go to the high school!) Traveled to Salina, KS to visit my sister, First visit to my new classroom/chance to meet new principal, Traveled to Arkansas for a reunion with college friends, Worked at Arms Around Arkadelphia with my college church there, Whole Brain Teaching Conference - (and camping adventure!), Moved home

July - Orff-Schulwerk training with awesome friends and music teachers at  UCA, More weekend visits to Arkadelphia, Weekend visit to HS Village to attend church with the Swiharts, VBS - (taught missions to the K-1 kiddos and LOVED it!), completed the "Beliefs" section of part three of the application, completed the rest of the application at the very end of the month! - (Testimony/calling to missions, auto-biography (8-10 pages long...mine was 10 of course!), Health questionnaire (soooo many questions! ha)) all through God's help, words, and presence!, Began the long waiting process after finishing the application...December was far away!, First week of "cleaning/organizing" the new classroom!, My parents decided to retire in HS Village in the next couple of years and bought a small town home there - (super exciting because of all the connections with people there and chances to visit Arkansas more often/kind of weird to one day have no more St.J connections...)

August - Presented at the Springfield Orff workshop!, Started teaching Bible Study/Missions to grades 3-4 on Wednesday nights at Team Kid, New school year/new job/more kids/classes than ever/overwhelming peace about where I was at/now commuting/relying on God EVERY day for strength/counting the days 'til Labor Day/did you get all that? ha

September - Labor Day Break! (fun at HSVillage), Lots of challenges/tears about work, Starting a budget, Fun with a friend from college stomping grapes at the Fall Festival!, A friend interviewed me for the local newspaper, I'm sure there was more this month than I can remember to list here...

October - Survived one quarter at the new job/many challenges, Completed health requirements for application - (now waiting on official clearance so my app could be fully considered), Visit from my sister in Kansas/lots of good family weekend time!, Homecoming at OBU and another visit to Arkadelphia, -27lbs at WW (unfortunately I gained a little back and am working to get back to that point again, but I'm close! ha)

November - Lots of time off from school - Veteran's Day, Thanksgiving, and conferences/meetings, First program of the year - (fourth grade and so much fun!), Getting the sound system at school all hooked up for the program (And actually having sound! Plus doing it on my own! - rejoicing in the small things!), New Semi-Criminal Record (See post about the boot on my car! haha), Family time for the holiday

December - Another music program (so proud of third grade!), First day I looked forward to school for most of the year, Tacky sweater fun (oh wait - I still have to post pictures from that!), Paid off my credit card - (without using it at all over the past few months...hooray!), Official Health Clearance - (now just waiting for a letter about the interview conference...), Christmas decorating, Snow, More waiting for JM news - (it's getting harder to go to the mailbox every day!), Lazy days off, Family time, Christmas, Giving something fully to the Lord and thanking Him for the continued peace about it - (I think I've finally let my heart hand it over to Him!), Visiting Mom Chu from OBU, Blogging, Too much candy - (Umm, ok, so the candy was not God's work...haha)

Whew - it feels like a whirlwind just listing all that...and I know I left some things out/forgot some things. Some of those things weren't necessarily all ways that "God worked," but He was present through joy, peace, contentment, and provision. All of the things in my life should be to glorify Him.

I pray that in 2011, I will continue to seek Him, especially in those "everyday" things...to God alone be the glory!

Thanks for following me this year through my blog! I pray God will open your eyes to the many ways He has been present through 2010 and will continue to challenge you to grow in His presence in 2011!

"You Come Here and Be My Girl..."

"You come here and be my girl!"

Those are the first words I remember Mom Chu saying when we knocked on her apartment door on my first tour at Ouachita. I had gone for a percussion audition and my first visit on a Saturday at the beginning of February, and Mr. Salyers, the percussion teacher who was also semi-new to OBU, was showing my parents and me around as best as he could, without an "official" campus tour guide.

We visited in her apartment for a little while, and she told me all about how much OBU meant to her, and why it had become her "home." Mom Chu invited me that day to make it my home too, and something told me, after I left...it would be!

I did decide to go to Ouachita Baptist University, and God blessed me by placing me on the "West Side" of the freshman dorm! Each dorm had a "mom" or a "mom and dad" to supervise the RAs and assist students living there, and Mom Chu was in Francis Crawford West. She always knew what was going on with all "her girls," and she took the best care of us!

Her amazing story is too long for me to share here, but she and her husband came over from China in the 1950s and began their life at OBU in Arkadelphia. They had a daughter named Jane, who also grew up there, attended college there, and majored in music. Mom Chu so loved sharing about her Chinese heritage and the wonderful story of how God blessed her family's life as they moved to America and chose to fully trust Him through the years.

I remember many Sunday lunches in the Caf after church, sitting with Mom Chu and visiting about things going on around campus, the students in our dorm, church events, her heart for China, and my passion for sharing Jesus with students and people from around the world. She was a "mother" to all the girls in her dorm, and to many other students around campus, as well as a "grandmother" to many of the children at church. We shared visits in her little apartment in the dorm, with Mom Chu teaching me a few Chinese words here and there, and always encouraging me to keep serving with all my heart and working hard in my studies. In fact, if I wind up in China with the JM program, I will know it is her fault, because of her prayers...lol...she so desires for people to visit her hometown and country,  sharing the joy of Christ with the many people there who don't know. When I told her I had applied, she of course said she hoped I would go there! :)

Mom Chu moved to my home state of Missouri after retiring from OBU a little over a year ago, and I have been longing to visit her for quite some time, but it has been hard because we live four hours apart, and I don't go that way very often at all. So...when I knew I would pass through her community today, it was the perfect opportunity for a visit!

We spent time walking around her new retirement community, and she showed me where she lives now, introducing me to many of her new friends around the buildings. I bet there are few people who don't know Mom Chu! I felt so proud when she introduced me as "her little girl" from Ouachita! She shared about her new volunteer calling at the care center for residents who need special medical attention and services. Every morning she wakes up at 5 a.m., has a bowl of cereal, and walks to the care center across the highway, where she talks with, listens to, walks with, laughs with, and encourages the residents there. Many of them count on her visit each day, and she never misses one - people are depending on her, she says! It touched my heart so much, the way she shared about how God has given her so much, and the people she talks with have given so much in their lives...it is important for us to serve and give back as much as we can now. Even though her days are mostly the same now, she looks forward to getting up each morning, knowing she will share the big heart God has given her, using the abilities and blessing of health she has, to touch others.

Visiting Mom Chu was the best gift I could ask for today, but before I left, she didn't want to send me away without giving me something. She asked if I was hungry, and when I told her I'd had a snack but would eat dinner a little later, she insisted on sending some fruit with me, from a basket someone had given her. I know this was a sacrifice because she isn't able to go to the store often to buy fruit and groceries. While I didn't want her to give her fruit away, I knew she wanted to with all her heart. Then, as I was about to leave, she continued saying she wished she could give me something more. I told her visiting was the best gift I could ask for, but she gave me two small beautiful decorations from her living room too. I was so humbled by her desire to give and share, and I pray for the same giving heart, both now, and as I grow! To some, fruit and decorations may not seem like much, but for me, they were a perfect example of how God fills our hearts through the unselfish sacrifice of others.

Oh how thankful I am that God sent me to OBU for my first visit eight years ago (already that long?!), and He blessed me with the opportunity to live on the "Westside" when I moved there almost eight years ago, in August of 2003 and be one of Mom Chu's girls. My heart will always have a home there, and the people I met and grew to love will always be my family. Mom Chu is and always will be the first family member I had there!

A Few Favorites...

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the past few weeks! Ok, maybe a few more than a few...lol...I do love taking pictures (maybe a little too much sometimes!)

First snow of the season - December 12! :) 

Decorating our Christmas tree...

My first ornament! (The rocking horse)  Christmas 1985

Sunshine, our sweet kitty, enjoying her new spot under the tree! 

Special Christmas treats...Mom has been busy in the kitchen this year! :) Mmmmm!!

The pretzel picture is one of my favorite this year...I just like the angle and all the sprinkles! 

Carrie, my sister, made her own special Christmas treat to share with friends and family! I had fun taking the pictures...maybe she'll have a website and sell things one day, with my pictures to help market! haha

This is what Sunshine and I do on lazy days off from school! Staying warm and cozy on the couch! :)

Christmas Day with my dad's family in Oklahoma City...

Lots of beautiful decorations!

Gift time! Yes - I come from a family of OU Sooner fans! (I try to stay neutral, because I was born half-Texan - my mom's side are Aggie fans, and half-Oklahoman - my dad's side are Sooner fans! lol)

Aunt Cathie's beautiful tree!

Mom's Christmas socks! :) 

Family time!

The best parents in the world! 

Silly pictures with Mom - what was THAT look all about? lol

Mother/Daughter picture!

Father/Daughter Time! :)

And...a sister picture to add in the mix too! 

I feel blessed to have a wonderful family, and especially one who makes a point to remember and emphasize the meaning of the Christmas season - the birth of Jesus, our Savior! I'm thankful to God for the many blessings He has given me, and the joy He fills my heart with each day! Merry Christmas! 

My Christmas Card Letter

I never really thought I would have my own "letter" each year, but since I've graduated college, I love writing notes in my Christmas cards, and this is the easiest way to add a little update about all that is going on with me. This year I wondered what I would have to write about - my first year I'd graduated college, started teaching, and moved to an apartment, and last year I had gone to Mexico on a mission trip...but the Lord didn't leave me wondering for long! I really wanted to write so much more than this, but it was already hard to keep it to one page! I apologize if you got a card and are reading this a second time. If you didn't get a card, I would love to include you if you'll send me your address! :) So...here is my Christmas update for 2010...Merry Christmas, everyone!

Dear Friends and Family:

2010 has been a great year. God has really blessed and challenged me in so many ways. He has taken me out of my comfort zone and led me to truly trust and grow in Him in all areas of my life. Here are just a few things that have been going on with me - 

Work - I’m in my third year of teaching elementary music, and I really enjoy my time with all my kids, but I’ve had a lot of change! In April, my district decided to close the building I was teaching in at the end of the year. Thankfully they provided new jobs this year, which was such a blessing, but there were no music openings at the time. I waited as they tried to decide on a position for me. Though waiting was difficult, I can’t even begin to explain the peace God gave me continually. I prayed daily, seeking to be an example to other teachers who were experiencing frustration and anxiety with the changes, and God provided many opportunities for me to encourage others and share the source of my peace. Finally, the day before school let out for summer, they created a job for me where I would teach 1/2 day of third grade music at one school and 1/2 day of guitar at the high school. (Did I mention I’ve never played guitar OR taught high school before?!)  Feeling really out of my comfort zone, I accepted the job and decided I would be taking up a new hobby over the summer! haha God still wasn’t finished, though! In the middle of June I got a phone call. A K-6 music teacher had requested to move to the high school, and I was offered her job! The Lord knew exactly where I needed to be this year, and provided that opportunity...in His own timing!  My new school is still on the military base, and I have many of the same students due to the combining of buildings. The biggest adjustment has been teaching  22 classes with 550 students instead of 250! I’m still learning all the names, even in December, but I’m getting better at remembering. We have a lot of turn-over due to military assignments, with two or three new students a week and others leaving, but I pray daily to be a consistent example of the joy and love of Christ while they are here. I absolutely love that I get to teach every student in the school, and share the joy of music with them. 

The Proposal - Well, after two years of waiting, he finally proposed! Unfortunately this persistent guy was...a little young! After asking me almost every week in my first year of teaching if I had a husband, or if I’d gotten married yet, and my replying, “No, not this week...” I guess this little second grade guy thought he’d grown up enough since first grade to make his own proposal! He wrote me a note during bus duty that said, “Miss Whiker, can we get merry?”  I politely declined, but thanked him for asking me one of the nicest things anyone ever had! It is definitely a note I’ll keep with my “teacher treasures!” :)

Looking Forward - I guess the biggest news in my life is my recent decision to apply for the Journeyman program through the International Mission Board. This is a desire I’ve had since college, especially after going to Africa and Brazil on mission trips. I’ve prayed about when to apply, and even started in 2008, but felt like God wanted me to spend some time teaching here first. In March I started the long process of applying again. When I began, I had no idea what the timeline was for finishing, and was a little unsure about the possibility of leaving a “secure” job to go. Of course, God gently reminded me again that HE is where my security is, not my job or the things here on Earth! All of the changes following my decision to apply helped to affirm the timing, and through His help and guidance, I finished the application process at the end of July. And...I’ve been waiting since then to find out if I will be invited for an interview conference with the IMB. Again God has taken my heart and challenged me to trust and grow each day through this uncertain time of waiting. My heart is longing to go overseas and take the love of Christ to people who have never heard, yet I also desire to be on mission, serving where God has put me here and now. I should receive a letter sometime in the next month letting me know if I’ve been invited for an interview. If I am invited, I will attend a conference in February, and leave there knowing for sure if I have been recommended for a job overseas. I will attend training and leave for the new job in the Summer/Fall, if I am accepted. I’m very excited about this opportunity, and know God will prepare my heart either way - whether He calls me to go overseas, or to stay here again. 

I am so thankful for all of you and the encouragers you are in my life. I ask for your continued prayers as I wait to see where God is leading me in the next year, and as I continue to teach and provide an example to children each day. I would love to hear from you, and especially to know how I can keep you in my prayers. 

I am planning to start an e-mail update this year if I am accepted for the JM program. If you would like to be included, or would just like to keep in touch by e-mail, please let me know!  I wish you a Merry Christmas, and a blessed New Year!! With His Joy, Alicia

Waiting...

Yesterday God gave me a sweet reminder of how He cares about what is going on with me...all the time. Of course He does, but it was one of those moments where I truly stopped in my path, realized that, and took time to thank Him.

A woman on the radio was giving a short recorded Christmas message - not really a commercial, but the kind where someone wishes a Merry Christmas and blessings to you from their family. But this wasn't a typical Christmas message. It was specifically about waiting. She spoke about how God had reminded her heart this year of times of waiting in Jesus' life. He was born an infant, like we all were, but God had such amazing plans for Him. Jesus had to live each day, and wait over thirty years for the ultimate plan of God to be fulfilled. She reminded listeners about the many verses that mention waiting in the Bible, and how those of us who wait on the Lord are blessed as we wait and seek Him. She ended by saying she wanted to wish Christmas blessings to everyone, but especially to those who are waiting on something or someone this Christmas.

I think this reminder came after I checked the mail box. And didn't receive my letter from the IMB...again. It reminded me that, though I'm still waiting to see what God has in store for me - whether it be staying here again, or going overseas...He knows. And He wants me to rest in Him as I wait. And all the time.

This verse has been brought to my heart repeatedly this year...
"But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31

Thank you Lord, for the little reminders, when you speak specifically to my heart in unexpected ways.

Chasing Rabbits...

In August my church decided to have a small group study on Sunday evenings instead of a regular service. We studied the book, "The Christian Atheist," and it was excellent, challenging, and a very good read. At some point this year I wrote about how I sometimes have trouble committing to a book or Bible study and finishing the whole thing...but this time I finished the entire book! But the main thing I want to share about here is my small group! The church enlisted leaders for the study, then members could choose which group to join. I chose a group our music minister and his wife were leading with the desire to spend more time with them and know them better. Little did I know about the rest of the group God had in store for me...

It was lots of fun getting to know each of these people. There are a few ladies who weren't there tonight, and another who snuck out of the picture. We had lots of laughs, fellowship, good food, and discussion together! Yes, I was obviously the youngest - (the teenager in the picture is the daughter of the couple who hosted us tonight, but not a part of our group, so she doesn't count as youngest!), but no one seemed to mind. And I didn't mind learning from their experiences, wisdom, and stories either...especially when we got to laugh together...and chase rabbits. Lots of them. So many of them that our leader, Pastor Brian, printed out a picture of Elmer Fudd hunting for Bugs Bunny, and when someone led us off topic, they got to hold the picture. I actually never got a turn to hold the picture, but it was because I was so busy soaking up all the great stories. 

These ladies were kind of the life of our group. I loved hearing of their adventures (and minor mishaps) together, and their wisdom from many life experiences I have yet to encounter. They remind me of characters from a book, and I think if there was a book, it would be a best seller! I have no idea what had just been said here, but I do LOVE the expressions on their faces, including Pastor Brian, standing behind them. These pictures truly capture their personality. 

It seems like where ever I go to church, I always wind up sharing in some kind of group with older adults. And I like that. (Of course, by older, I mean more than 25 because that's how old I am and sorry to those of you who fit that "older" label...I know you're all young at heart!) I'll be honest and say it is hard not to have a group of friends my age, and I often wonder if that will ever be a possibility anywhere I go...it seems young Christian singles, and even just young Christian people in general are few and far between where I'm at. So, while I long for friendships with others my age...I also treasure the opportunities God gives me to learn from and grow with others who are filled with wisdom and life experiences to share...even when it means going "off topic" and "chasing a few rabbits" at our study once in awhile! :)

Even though it's been a tough year so far, and I still don't feel like I can figure out what is making me feel so frustrated and challenged in my job, when I look at pictures like these...I think about how much I love my kids. I see each one and think about their personality, and how the pictures reflect that. It bothers me so much that I STILL don't know all my kids yet this year because there are just so many. When a lot of them come, I still look at them and go...what is your name? But...maybe by May I'll know them all...just in time for summer vacation! ha Anyway, I got to take a group of kiddos to sing Christmas songs on the radio this past week, and it was fun! Here are a couple of pictures from our field trip to the radio station!

I love kids. So much. God has given me a heart for them, and a passion for loving them. (Even though some are easier than others to love...we're all difficult to love sometimes, but God still love us ALL unconditionally!) I feel so called to my passion for kids, and I really do feel like I'm supposed to be teaching, even teaching music...I just wish I could find that place where I feel successful and effective while doing that job. These kiddos are just a few of the 540 God has called me to teach, serve, and love this year. What an awesome responsibility that is...even on the hard days. 

A Little Sparkle...

Sometimes you just need a little sparkle in your day...or your week...or your year.  =)

So...when I saw these shoes at the mall on Saturday, I decided it would be fun to splurge on a little "sparkle." 

Apparently I was the talk of the school after I wore them on Wednesday...lol...I got lots of compliments, and a Kindergarten teacher told me her kids couldn't stop talking about my shoes after they came back from music class for the afternoon - even the boys! =) So, I like to think I added a little sparkle to someone else's day too!

And, since last week was a little hard...ok, maybe a LOT hard...I think I'll share a few "sparkles" from this week...

Two of my favorite ladies in the world celebrated birthdays...my mom and one of my big sisters, Carrie! Happy Birthday to them...I should make a whole separate post about them, and I probably will sometime! I love them LOTS!! :)

I took a group of second graders to sing Christmas music live on the radio today. This was my third year to take a group...it was fun, and I was so proud of them! 

I woke up Tuesday morning looking forward to going to school for one of the first times all year. I don't know what was different, but I think I actually felt like I had set plans for the week, and I was excited about a really fun listening activity using paper plates with my Kindergarteners! It sounds a little crazy, but it was REALLY fun. We used paper plates to keep the beat and move with Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker music - the Russian Dance. They loved it! 

I lost 2lbs at Weight Watchers this week. Last week I lost 3.4 lbs. (These were pounds I had gained back a few weeks before Thanksgiving, but since Thanksgiving I have lost the 5 lbs I'd gained back, and now I'm on my way to continuing the steady process...) 

I've been reading a Psalm every day, and I am at Psalm 119 now. It is such a wonderful book, and this is an encouraging and challenging chapter. I would love to memorize the whole chapter, little by little. I'm reading more and more lately...I finished the Gospels earlier in the Fall, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes a few weeks ago, and have SO much more to read! But, the greatest part is how excited my heart is about reading...right now I feel like I'm reading so quickly because I want to read it all...but I'm also trying to go slowly enough to study what I'm reading. I know after I've read through the whole Bible, I will go back and study books and chapters more in-depth. 

I saw a pretty sunrise in the clouds this morning on my way to work. 

I watched The Sing Off last night on NBC for the first time, and I REALLY love that show! I've never gotten into American Idol much, or Dancing With the Stars, or other shows like that, which most people think is weird since I'm a music teacher...sometimes I like America's Got Talent...but for some reason, I love this one! I think all the groups do such an exceptional job at creating, interpreting, expressing, and singing the songs they choose in their own unique style, and I'm so impressed with their harmonies and a capella abilities! I love, love, love it! :) 

My third graders have a program on Monday evening. It is always challenging with individual classes wondering if they really know the music and if the programs will come together...until you combine the whole grade, and somehow - everything does come together! My kiddos really impressed me today, and I'm excited for Monday night! 

Ok, here is my best news of all...I have health clearance! If you don't know what this means, to make a long story short, I have to have absolute health clearance before my application can be fully considered for the overseas position I began applying for in March through the Journeyman program. This was a very lengthy process, and has taken since October to happen. It is the very last step I had to cross before the company could fully consider inviting me to the interview conference. So...now I wait again. Which is still hard. But...at least I know I'm on the last stretch. God is good all the time, and I know He will be faithful to direct me in His timing... 

Happy Friday to everyone...enjoy your weekend, and find something that makes YOUR day sparkle! :)

Psalm 116

I read this today, and God really spoke to my heart...I love the way He says, "I will pray as long as I have breath!" God is merciful. I walk in His presence as I live here on earth! There is nothing I can offer the Lord for all He has done for me, but I can rest in the Salvation He has provided through Jesus. Oh how I am so thankful for that salvation.

"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.
Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!
Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me.
I saw only trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord: 'Please Lord, save me!'
How kind the Lord is! How good He is!
So merciful, this God of ours!
The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and He saved me.
Let my soul rest again, for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
And so I walk in the Lord's presence as I live here on earth!
I believed in you, so I said, 'I am deeply troubled, Lord.'
In my anxiety I cried out to you, 'These people are all liars!'
What can I offer the Lord for all He has done for me?
I will lift up the cup of Salvation and praise the Lord's name for saving me.
I will keep my promises to the Lord in the presence of all His people.
The Lord cares deeply when His loved ones die.
O Lord, I am your servant; yes I am your servant born into your household; you have freed me from my chains.
I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people - in the house of the Lord in the heart of Jerusalem.
Praise the Lord!" - Psalm 116 NLT

Honest...

I'll be honest. It's been hard to write anything over the past week because it's been a tough one. Sometimes I get so caught up in me. It's hard to find that balance of when it's ok to feel a little down, and when it's time to turn the focus off of me and onto something or someone else. I didn't want to write an all-negative post, or seem down. I kept opening this page, hoping words would come out...then closing it, every day.

I have been feeling really lonely lately. Not necessarily lonely in the sense that I'm longing for a couple's relationship, although my heart does desire that very much, but just...alone. I know that God is here, and He is my Comforter, yet when I most need to be in His presence, it is harder for me to seek Him. I read a short passage in a book this weekend as I was browsing at Barnes and Noble, and it asked - when is it hardest for you to trust God? When a big crisis hits, or in the everyday moments of life? I would say the every day moments...hands down. While I have never experienced what I would consider a major crisis in my life, I do feel as though I fail to ask God to be with me EVERY day, helping me have wisdom, and walk in His will for me. A relationship takes work. And it's important to work at a relationship every day.

I've been reading a Psalm each day along with whatever else I read, and mostly, my perspective has been so narrow in that, I see the Psalms of praise and rejoice with the author as He shares. Then I read some about enemies and challenges and feel as though I am "skimming" because those things aren't as...applicable. One thing I have always admired about the Psalms is how they can be so full of praise, yet so honest at the same time when crying out to God. A friend recently told me to remember the Psalms as I think and pray through the challenging days I'm facing right now. She said to take note of how honest the writer is as he cries out to God, sometimes in anger, sometimes in fear, sometimes in sadness...amidst the praises He also brings. She told me to be honest with God. She told me to verbalize my frustrations and anger and sadness.

We all have things going on in life. Yes God created us and knew us even before we were born. Yes He knows the challenges we face and the joys we experience. Yet He still wants us to bring those things to Him. To put them at His feet and seek His comfort. To tell Him we're angry like we would tell a close friend. To cry tears of frustration. But at the end of all of those things, He asks for our trust. For our faith. For our remembrance of times in the past where He was faithful to provide and comfort.

I'm good at remembering joyous times in my life. Counting blessings. Praising God for his provision and peace. I'm quick to share those with others around me. But why is it so hard to be honest with Him? Why can I share those frustrated feelings and cry with a friend here on this Earth, when it is so hard to share them with my Creator? I don't really have an answer. I'm still learning...