Spring Break

I went home for Spring Break. Well...not the home I live at now, but the "home" I spent five years of my college life growing to love. And it was a blessing. Every time I visit, I truly feel like I'm going "home." And while there have been many changes on my college campus, and I know very few students there anymore (Wow, I'm getting OLD! haha), I will always treasure my time, memories, and growth I experienced while I was there. Arkadelphia, Arkansas, with its funny name, small-town life, beautiful spring-times, super-hot summers, fun at Wal-Mart (because there isn't much else to do...), and my college Ouachita Baptist University (yes, that's pronounced Wash-i-taw) as well as our rival with the Henderson Reddies across the street, are a part of who I am now!

These pictures are all from one of my favorite spots on campus - the small park/walking path below campus, along the Ouachita River. Spring is just starting to arrive there...isn't it beautiful? I spent awhile just sitting on a bench, listening to the breeze, watching the river, and soaking in the fact that I didn't have to be anywhere...it felt like time was endless!

I think God knew I needed a break. He blessed me with a week filled with time alone and time for visiting. I spent a few days in Hot Springs Village resting, praying, and reading in the Bible, walking trails, and enjoying the beauty of the lake as the sun was setting. It was so refreshing to spend time away without the distractions of every-day life. 

I could have spent hours just walking and taking in the beauty of God's creation. 

The purple trees - I don't know their names - are just starting to pop out and add some color among all the bare branches and brown left over from Winter. 

As I walked, I began thanking God for the blessings He has overwhelmed me with. Sometimes I get so caught up in the fact that things are not quite how I want them to be...I fail to see that God is trying to teach me...

Challenges are blessings. 

Changes in plans are blessings. 

Tears are blessings. 

The great and wonderful plans I trust He has for me...are a blessing. 

None of these things are easy. I don't have to "like" them...but I do choose to acknowledge them. And I choose to acknowledge the fact that my God is constantly at work! 

I am thankful God allowed me time this week to "soak" in Him. To step closer into His presence and to spend time with the One who created me. To be His child. To be blessed. 

All of this was just in two days of my Spring Break! I spent the other few visiting with friends who were encouragers to me throughout college...and continue to be now! Tuesday evening I had dinner with my friend Dana who God actually brought into my life after college at a summer music training. Wednesday afternoon I met with Ms. Melanie and Ms. Janie, two amazing women from my church - First Baptist Arkadelphia - and prayed together. Wednesday evening I ate one of Ms. Roberta's super "Family Night" dinners at church - I've missed her sweet presence, AND her delicious cooking! I also got to visit with other church members and attend the weekly prayer meeting...it felt like I was just supposed to be there again! I visited with Mrs. Cosh, the leader of COPE - our ESL program I was a part of on campus that afternoon as well, and God used her to encourage me SO much. I'll write some more posts later this week about specific ways God spoke to me through my visits! Thursday morning I visited with Ms. Lindsay, a sweet friend who works in the library on campus, had lunch with David and Cathie, the couple who served as my "adopted parents" through the college student program at church, visited a professor, another friend from church who is the nurse on campus, and a friend who is now a freshman there - she was in choir at the high school while I did my field experience and has grown into a great young lady! She also happens to be living in my old freshman dorm room - crazy, huh? lol Thursday night was another big blessing when I got to spend time with my friend Gray who I met in my last year, his freshman year - it was great to catch up and share about our hearts for serving around the world. Friday morning I had breakfast, lots of giggles, and good conversation (at Donut Palace...a favorite place with lots of memories) with my friend Amanda who has also been such an encourager to me with my desire to serve overseas. Friday for lunch I met a dear friend, Ms. Whanda who was my college Sunday School teacher while her husband served as interim pastor at our church for one year. I always love the wisdom she shares in our conversations together, and the care she has for internationals, friends, and family. And...as if my heart weren't full enough from all these visits, I ended the week celebrating the marriage of my good friend Sharon to her friend Russ and enjoyed fellowship and so much laughter with our Sharon's Singles Sunday School group back together again! :) 

Wow - reading back over that, I see that God allowed me the opportunity to really catch up with so many friends He has put in my life over the past few years. Each friendship is so unique and meaningful to me in a different way, and I love that! As I said earlier, there will be other posts coming soon about some of the days, and the amazing ways God encouraged and challenged me throughout the week. 

I have so much to be thankful for...

Sometimes I think I should be a teacher.

Like when I stick post-its on my kids and make them guess what note they have, then line up in order to show they understand note values.

Or when I borrow hula hoops from the P.E. teacher and make each one be a "beat" then have fifth graders squeeze into them to show different rhythms.

Like when I get to know every student in the whole school (even though I still don't know all the names this year), and I get to talk to them when I see them get off the bus in the mornings or go to the bus in the afternoons. (Bus duty is actually one of my favorite times of the day!)

I think I should teach when I have kids lay on the floor and make "human letters" out of their bodies to go on the floor staff.

Like when I break it down to the "Cool Head and Shoulders" with my kindergarten kiddos.

Or when I play the Cup Game as a fun way to reinforce rhythm and beat.

And then I remember...I am! And I'm different than a lot of teachers. I don't believe in the days of having my kids sit through the whole class and only sing songs from a book. I don't usually give them paper and pencil tests. We do sing out of books, and we do use paper and pencils...but we also learn through moving, creating, experiencing, and yes...even playing. Every day is not easy, that's for sure. And some of my kids are more challenging to teach than others. Not everyone enjoys music. But on the days I leave school having had fun...I know I am supposed to teach!

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail; They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23

This week has brought a lot of hard things. Yet I was reminded of God's presence and beauty each morning and evening as I saw His remarkable work in the sun rises and sun sets coming to and from work. 

On Tuesday evening, the secretary from my school passed away unexpectedly after being sick off and on over the past two weeks. She was a wonderful lady - filled with a bright spirit and love for the Lord, her family, friends, students, and staff. She had the most school spirit of anyone in our building! She was a super Tiger fan, and supported students in our building and district and Tiger teams 110%. She had the ability to make anyone in our building feel welcome. It is my first year there, and she encouraged me to become part of the school "family" since before the beginning of school. We will miss her a lot, and I'm thankful to have known her for even this short time. Her funeral was Friday, and our building experienced an overwhelming sense of support as paras and other non-classroom teachers came to fill in for those of us who wanted to attend. What a blessing to be covered by prayers, encouragement, and support through such a long and difficult week for many. And what a reminder that God only promises us today. Our days are numbered here on Earth, and it is so important that we use each one to glorify Him and reach out to others through His love. 

It has been one of those "lonely" kind of weeks too. One of the hardest parts about being where I am is trying to find friends close to my age. I miss that part of high school and college so much. I have one best friend who I spend time with regularly, and I am so thankful for the way God has allowed us to be so close for so many years. But...I still feel lonely. It's not just that "longing for a relationship" feeling, although I do have the strong desire in my heart to have a husband and a family one day. Sometimes I just see my friends who are in grad school or seminary and have room mates and friends to spend time with regularly and wish I had that too. Sometimes I see friends who live in bigger cities and go to churches with ministries specifically for young adults, and I have searched for that here...unsuccessfully. I've thought a lot about moving to a bigger area as one of my options for next year until I can see if my missions opportunity works out, but...I'm not sure yet. I'm not trying to complain, or sound down. And I am certainly thankful for the many ways God has blessed me. But that doesn't make the "lonely" part go away. It's really hard, and something I have to pray about a lot.

Even though it has been a difficult week in different ways, I know God is faithful all the time, every day. He will always be a Comforter, all-sufficient, and more than enough. But...it's ok to tell Him how we feel too...to be honest and to know He cares. Because He does. He really does. I am thankful to be called one of His children. 

My mom has been scanning and uploading old pictures recently. These make me smile. My cousin Myrenda and I are two years apart in age (I'm two years older), and we used to have the best adventures at our Granny and Grandad's house in the summer time. Playing in the woods, pulling the wagon, jump roping outside, looking in the "Frog Pond," working in the garden, picking blackberries, running, and playing outside until it was too dark to see. When Granny bought this swing, and Grandad hung it up for us on the big tree out front, many more hours were spent flying back and forth, spinning around, and taking turns pushing each other. All in our bare feet, of course! I also remember Grandad's cookie and candy jars, watching movies like "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" during our rest time on a quilt in the floor, sleeping with the windows open and the bugs chirping at night, and so much more! I miss those days, and treasure the memories! Now we have fun talking, spending time with Myrenda's own sweet baby girl who is now two years old, and laughing together. We even find ourselves opening a coloring book once in awhile just for old-time's sake! :) Cousins are a blessing!

Letting go...

My heart is hurting....really hurting. It is like something was so close...I was about to reach out and grab it, and then, someone tore it away before I could. I know that's not how it really is - but that is how I feel. I think it's ok and even healthy to say I'm a human, so of course my heart is hurting and disappointed.

But I think how I deal with that hurt is where my test of faith comes in. I can simply give up on the dream, say it's gone, and choose to forget about it. I can complain and be angry and try to find my own solutions. I can blame the company, the doctor, or myself. Or.....I can let go and let my God. I have always heard that phrase, "Let go, and let God..." but I've never really thought about it before.

Realizing that this dream, though it was mine, does not really belong to me, has been something tough and scary. You see, if it doesn't really belong to me, if I truly believe it belongs to my faithful God who gave me the dream and desire, then I must also choose to let Him hold the dream in His hands at the same time it is in my heart. It's a tricky thing, that part. But when I am ready to fully let go, and say, "God, this dream is yours. You have given it to me, and put it in my heart, just for me. But now I give it fully to you and trust you to use it how YOU see fit. WHEN you see fit. Whether it is this year or years down the road..." I know He will take it, as He has all along, and give me a peace about walking in His will and plan. It is so hard for me to picture or fathom or understand right now.

I long to acknowledge this dream belongs to God, and I know He is good, and He would not have put a passion and desire in my heart that He was going to leave there for nothing. At the same time, it is hard to let go. In my mind, I think, "God...this is MY dream. I was ready. I was going to follow this dream, and I was going to serve you with all my heart. I wasn't going in a bad direction or trying to misuse the desires you've given me. I had a plan for this dream. Didn't you know that?!" (That just makes me laugh a little....of COURSE He knew that...) But again, faith is trusting in what we can't see. What we can't understand. And that takes trust. And work. Every day....no matter what the situation is.

I'm working on the letting go part...I know I'm almost there. I'm probably working too hard at trying to hang on. I think so much about, "But what if giving it back to God means I don't get to go now OR soon?" Well...then God has other wonderful ways to use me I can't even imagine right now because my mind is narrowed in on one thing. I may have to pray every day to let go and tell God this dream is His...but I know He is waiting patiently.

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." - Psalm 37:4-5, 7 NLT

A friend I know writes, "Pray your dream" at the end of her e-mails. And it makes perfect sense now. I have spent a lot of time saying my dream. But God wants me to pray it. Here I am God...ready to let go....ready to trust....and needing your help every step of the way.

Change in Plans

Sometimes God says, "Wait." And sometimes, He says, "No."

As a child of His, I choose to live with faith, trusting all He does in my life, the ways He leads, the opportunities He allows me to pursue...are all part of the desires He has given me. God knows my heart better than I ever will - He made it after all! 

Many of you know about my heart for mission work and loving and serving people overseas, as well as meeting and serving internationals here. I remember first realizing that passion in high school, and feeling excited as God provided continuous opportunities for me to pursue it. In college I went on my first international trip to Senegal West Africa, and I knew then that God was putting it on my heart to go back for a longer time. I prayed for a long time about when that would be and thought it might be when I graduated college...but then knew I needed to wait and teach here awhile first.

So - last March I began the lengthy application process through a company related to my church denomination to go overseas. I finished the whole process in July, gained medical clearance (which you must have to go) in November, and waited until January when I finally found out I was accepted. I had shared that with many of you too! The final step after being accepted is to go for an interview conference on their campus where they get to know you and match you with a job somewhere in the world. I was supposed to leave on Wednesday to fly to the conference. In January, I had a health concern come up. It is nothing too major now- the doctor even said she didn't see it being a hindrance to me going overseas. Unfortunately it is a change in the health clearance I had before. I didn't know until Friday I would not be able to go. There was a miscommunication, and I didn't receive a message until then. This is not a definite "no." They are very good about keeping applications on file when things change, and this could only be a "bump in the road." They will definitely consider me for this Fall or next Spring if I receive health clearance by then. Of course my heart was...and is...disappointed, a little confused, and unsure of how to process this. 

This has been my dream, my passion, and my biggest desire over the past five years. Wait - notice how I'm saying, "my" a lot? Well...while I know it truly IS my heart to go, and I know God has given me that heart, I believe every hope, dream, and desire I have belongs to Him. This is one of the things He has shown me over the past few days. He KNOWS my love for internationals.  He KNOWS I long to go and to share His love and joy with others all around the world. And I know He won't leave me hanging on to those dreams and desires with no way to use them. But they belong to Him...they shouldn't just be "my" desires. So things are just on a different timeline now. Maybe even in a different way than I had ever imagined. 

When I began this process last year, I knew it would mean being a little "impractical," in the world's eyes - giving up a job I have here, and many other things, and stepping out in faith. But, now I see that even this program was very lined out for me, very planned, and very structured. And it may still be something I will be a part of later, we'll see! But - I can also see maybe God is calling me to step out in faith in a different way. Into the unknown and unstructured. The impractical, and the uncertain. I feel as though this was just a stop on the roller coaster ride to take a deep breath, and now I'm ready to jump back on, throw my hands up in the air, and say, "Let's go!"

I know God is good, all the time. I truly believe that with my whole heart. It is aching for what I am missing now, but longing for what God does have in store! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement through this entire process. Please continue to pray for me as I seek God's direction, clarity, and wisdom in where to go next. 

"For God is working in you, giving you the power and the desire to do what pleases Him." -Philippians 2:13

Still Filled With HIS Joy,

Happy Valentine's Day, Friends! :) 

I hope your day was special, no matter where you are, and no matter who you spent it with! 

And most of all, I hope you know that God loves you. Perfectly. More than anyone else you will ever know!

"Dear friends, Let us love one another, for love comes from God." - 1 John 4:7

"This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another; God lives in us, and His love is made complete in us. - 1 John 4:9-12

 "We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:19

Friday Fun...

It's been awhile since I've cooked anything...so Friday night seemed like the perfect time for...(semi)home made pizza! I won't be starting a cooking show on Food Network or a blog like Julie and Julia...but here are some pictures of the fun! :)

Gather the ingredients 

(Whoops I left out the crust, which is why this was only semi-home made...it was one where you add water! lol Oh well!)

Sauce, cheese, pepperoni, and pineapple! 

(Which happens to be my favorite kind of pizza, although I usually add green pepper slices too! 

Yes, I'm a little strange...)

In it goes! 400 degrees for 15 minutes!

And....finished! D-E-licious! 

Add a chick flick with friends and hot chocolate with whipped cream...

and you have the perfect Friday evening! 

Ordinary...

I'm sure a lot of people feel pretty "ordinary." I know I do. Sometimes I feel a little under-ordinary too. Yep, I think I just made up that word..."under-ordinary." Maybe that makes me extraordinary! Or not...

But I have something that does make me extraordinary. And no, it's not my super ability to balance spoons on my nose, my history with alligator hunting on the Amazon (it's true!), my super loud drum playing despite my quiet personality, my ability to BURN and ruin nacho cheese dip (yes the kind any child could easily melt in the microwave), or my super successful and delicious (non-burnt!) chocolate chip cookies.

Ok, just for the record, I did NOT catch this alligator...I did, however, pay $1.00 to hold him for this picture. And yes, his mouth is tied shut...lol...You didn't think I was THAT crazy, did you?! 

But -  I DID go alligator hunting at night, on the Amazon River, during the same trip! :)

I have a living God who created me and knew me even before I was born. And I have Jesus. The Son of God, whom He brought to Earth as a man, living and walking, and facing life just as I do...yet never sinning and always loving. Obedient to His Father...even to the point of death on a cross. It is hard for me to understand. I know I never fully will. But it is through HIM that I am made extraordinary.

"The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see they were ORDINARY men with NO special training in the Scriptures. They also recognized then as men who had been WITH JESUS." - Acts 4:13

In waiting for my interview conference, it is easy to have doubt. To question if I am "good" enough, or "smart" enough, or "knowledgeable" enough, or "bold" enough. I am certainly not extraordinarily gifted in using words to explain things, or understanding the history of the entire Bible, or the many other "requirements" I have set in my mind that I "should" have before I go. But the thing is, God has given me a passion. A desire to serve and to love people across the world in any way I can. And I know that He will send me if it is His will. And He will equip me perfectly. I will be adequate not through myself but ONLY through HIM! 

I guess the most powerful thing to me in these pictures, is the fact that I didn't have to use any words at first...I was there - serving through the Lord, showing what Jesus looks like, and THEN able to share.

"Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, '...There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved...'" - Acts 4:8,12 (It wasn't Peter doing the talking! It was the Holy Spirit speaking through Him!)


So, though I am definitely "ordinary" on my own...how amazing to know I am never "ordinary" when I have Jesus. How awesome to know that no matter what He calls any of us to do - be a mother or father, work in an office, teach school, write books, public service jobs, and soooo much more, overseas AND from home, we can ALL be extraordinary, if we only choose to serve with our whole heart in Jesus' name. 


"'And now, O Lord...give us, your servants, great boldness in preaching your word...may miraculous signs and wonders be done through the name of your holy servant, Jesus.' After this prayer, the meeting place shook, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit. Then they preached the word of God with boldness." - Acts 4:29-31


And that, friends, is what makes ordinary me....AND ordinary you, if you only ask God, believe in the love and sacrifice of His Son Jesus for ALL of us and accept it freely, EXTRAORDINARY! 

Back to School...

Back to school tomorrow after four snow days! While that is a long time for most people, I have actually been gone even LONGER....because I had a meeting Monday, and a conference the Wed-Fri before Monday and the snow days....and I haven't even mentioned the first three weeks of January when I was gone two days each week for sick days and more snow days...so boy am I ever ready to see my kids again and get back to teaching/having a schedule! I'm even ready to teach a FULL week. Here's hoping the weather holds out this time, and I stay well! :) My hope for the rest of the semester is to be the best teacher I can be and to be confident again in my planning. To be enthusiastic, and to help my students be enthusiastic and enjoy music more too. I want them each to go away with something, even if they don't feel "gifted" or "excited" about music - my goal is for them to have made some kind of connection before they leave whether it be singing, playing a game, exploring an instrument, or just interacting with their classmates in a way that is "out of the ordinary" from their regular classroom setting. It feels so crazy with time flying by - I keep thinking of more and more things I want to do this semester, because....it could be my last one teaching for awhile! Still waiting for my conference in a few weeks. I feel so excited for that new opportunity, yet a little sad to leave teaching, even though it has been so challenging this year. I know God has plans in store though, and thankfully they are bigger and better than any I could make on my own! I have a feeling this isn't a forever goodbye to teaching!

I can't believe I didn't write a single post over all the snow days. I have a lot to write about, but...sometimes it's just a challenge to put into words that make sense. For now I better get some rest....5:00 is going to come EARLY after all these days off!

Here are a few pictures of the snowman I built today after shoveling for awhile...It is the first one I ever remember building, although I probably did build one as a child. I know he's a little short, but....don't judge! haha I also had to use some creative items for his face...and the mouth wouldn't quite stick on, hence the toothpick picture!

Working on the face...chocolate cookie eyes

A baby carrot nose...

And a mouth made of raisins...which wouldn't stick, so I tried a toothpick, but it wouldn't go all the way through - and now my snowman looks a little like an Ozark hillbilly, but...oh well! 

Finished! But...a little plain and dull...

So I had to add some color, of course! I think it is a snow girl now...haha

Still trying to get those raisins to stick...

Hey - not too bad, huh?!

I'm sorry, but I have to say it...That snowman's got a lotta "junk in his trunk!" or something like that! That bottom part is a little...broad and out of proportion! lol 

All the ingredients for a perfect snowman...minus a couple chocolate cookies whose extras might have been eaten after all that hard work, but I'll never tell! :) 

Happy new week, everyone! I hope it is joyful, blessed, and fun! I also hope you will give each day to our awesome Creator...and seek the plans HE desires for you each day! Oh, and remember to thank him for not giving us raisin mouths when he created us! :)