Was one of those days when everything just felt crazy and out of sorts. And I guess I just want to remember some days are like this, so I'm going to post today.
It was Wednesday at school - and this is the day we have a short schedule, so everything goes super fast. I just felt like there wasn't time to do anything between classes. I had some good lessons, and I had some very less than par lessons where I felt like I was just making it through.
My iPod stopped working yesterday. I know it is just a "thing," but I feel really bummed because this is the first one I've ever had, and I didn't even buy it new. I bought it from my cousin last year when she got a new one, and I have used it a lot since then, especially for the Couch to 5K running program I just started...which kind of puts a damper on the ability to listen to the podcasts and run...I'm determined to keep going, though. It is not a necessity, nor something I can afford to replace for right now, so I will just go back to life without it.
It was weigh and measure day for me at Curves, and the scale showed 3lbs more than my scale at home did yesterday.
I missed my mom and dad who are in Germany...a lot.
I felt worried and anxious about my classes coming up and whether or not I'll be able to meet all the requirements, especially while I"m teaching at the same time.
I had those negative self-thoughts that I have to work so hard to replace with truth and love from Scripture and the amazing God who created me to be who I am.
It was one of those days where I wonder if I'll ever find someone who "likes" me (I know that's so Jr. High sounding...lol) and someone who has the desire to date, be married, and have a family one day too. And though I know "God is all I need" and I "should love Him most, now and always..." I realized I am still human, and sometimes those views are just annoying. (Yes, I'm being honest, and I think it's ok to feel a little bitter sometimes, as long as I know I'm being honest with God and as long as I give those bitter feelings over to Him.) It's ok to long for the future while being thankful for what I have now.
It was also a day where I knew with all my heart that God is walking by my side, and His plans for me are great.
I knew He has provided this time in my life to go back to school, and to worry and have anxiety is to doubt His plan for me and His faithfulness.
It was a day when I knew my mom and dad will be home eventually, and I felt glad they are able to have an adventure overseas at this time in their life.
Today was a day when I got to laugh...multiple times. I was thankful for so many co-workers and friends who care about me, and about the kids we work with. I enjoyed conversation and laughs with a good friend throughout the day.
I knew I would continue to exercise and take care of myself, and was thankful God gave me a body that works and allows me to do this. I am so thankful to have a healthy heart, arms, legs, and lungs. I knew that if I hadn't been exercising at all, I would be at the starting point I came from two years ago, weight and health-wise.
Tonight was a night when I had some extra time, and a free drink to redeem at Panera, so I took a few hours to come here and sit, read, blog, and enjoy "me" time. I love those kind of spontaneous evenings.
I thought about how much I care for my kids at school and enjoyed their hugs and compliments they gave me today. "Miss W, you look pretty in the color brown," and "Miss W, I like your singing voice." :)
So - I'm human. (Surprise? haha) And we all have those days. And even though I honestly didn't want to spend time thinking about the positive things I just said, because it was much easier to dwell on the first things, I am asking God for the help to focus on His presence and provision. And I'm so thankful I have His hope and promises to fall back on every day, especially on days like today!
"I will praise you Lord, with all my heart. I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High. The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord do not abandon those who search for you."
-Psalm 9:1-2, 9-10