I have to admit the last year...or few years has/have been really tough. I go back and forth in my mind trying to tell myself I am being selfish or weak because I feel like things are tough, yet I am not experiencing a "real" trial or storm as some people might be. But the truth is...my life is real to me. Whether or not my storms are as big or tough as someone else's is not the issue. The issue is that God is here. He is stretching me. Challenging me to trust Him every day...no, every second of every day. To find Him in all things - big and small.
"How marvelous, how wonderful, and my song shall ever be..."
It's easy to lose focus. To see circumstances or only one moment of time. To forget about the big picture and to wonder, "Why me?" "Why now?" "Why...." But as each day comes, God puts a song on my heart - a marvelous, wonderful song. A song that is filled with His promises for me. For the desire to do His will and to be a part of what pleases Him. A song of hope.
"How marvelous, how wonderful, is my Savior's love for me."
I can't even fathom the love my Savior has for me. Every moment. Every day. So often I have to remind myself things are not always all about me. Worship is not about me. It is about glorifying the very one who created me. Last Sunday as I sat alone in a pew for what seemed like the millionth time I let myself feel pity. I thought about how lonely I was. How I shouldn't have to be alone at church and how "if someone would just ask me to sit with them" or "if we just had a young singles' ministry," or "if, if, if...." Yet God has not called me to be lonely. He has called me to come to Him with my burdens and weaknesses and selfish attitude and everything I am...and to be complete and fulfilled in Him.
That doesn't mean I won't feel lonely. That doesn't mean it won't still hurt me that it is so hard to "fit in" at church. That doesn't mean it is wrong of me to have feelings. But my point is, God spoke gently to my heart and reminded me I need to honestly come before Him with those areas and concerns. He is a God who hears me when I cry out.
Today I am thankful for God who is infinitely greater than anything I can imagine. For His peace that passes understanding, and for His joy that brings contentment and fulfillment. And I pray I will be faithful in trusting Him to embrace me in His marvelous love and forever be my song.