Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Deep, deep down, I have that longing to be a wife and mother.

Don't get me wrong - I'm content with being single for now, and know this is an amazing time in life God has provided for me and blessed me with.

But seeing so many young families, and realizing that I'm not getting any sometimes just a challenge.

Today I'm rejoicing for a family I know who is working in Africa right now, and just welcomed their third child into the world this morning! I'm also excited for all the mothers who are expecting in my church and those from high school and college.

I'm thankful for the relationships God has provided for friends who are now married, engaged, and dating.

God calls us to share in other people's joy, even when it is not always an easy task for us. He calls us to be content with where He places us and open to how He wants to use us.

I have 300 (and more this year!) children at school who He has called me to love and provide an example for each day. He has allowed me to watch and learn and grow as I carefully provide guidance and discipline to them in the classroom setting. I got to spend last year teaching preschoolers and introducing them to joyful worship through music. And this year I get to share missions and Bible stories with another group of elementary children at church.

I'm the youngest of five children in our family, and I love watching as my brothers and sisters raise their children and I am able to learn from their examples.

I sometimes wonder what kind of mother I will be. I hope that I will be fun yet structured, creative, caring, and most of all, an example of Christ to my children. I want to be the mother who helps her kids discover the library in the summertime, enjoy simple times in the park, use their imaginations to play with pots, pans, boxes, and buttons, makes "special" pudding cups for them, plays in the sprinkler, teaches them about making their own choices, allows them to become independent in a good way, and teaches them how specially they are each created in God's image. I want to be a lot like my mother!

I know if I weren't single right now, I would not be able to apply for the Journeyman program, with the possibility of going overseas for two years. I know I could not have spent this entire summer traveling everywhere I wanted to and visiting family and friends. And I wouldn't be able to be "selfish" about certain things that I am right now, because it is only me.

But I do hope and pray that God has someone out there for me who has a heart for Him first, then me. Someone who wants to serve and live in the image of Christ and raise a family in God's image. I hope it will be a man who desires to have children and will enjoy being a dad. I know God knows my heart even better than I do, and that He gave me the desires I have.

So...not that I don't trust God's will and timing, but I do selfishly hope it will be sometime before I turn 80...

1 comment:

  1. I will join you in your prayer tonight.

    I think you do have unique opportunities this year and with Journeyman. I envy you!

    I know you will be a kind and creative mother. And that you will be scared, bewildered, and fatigued (because that is normal!). You will turn to God, just like you are doing now, so it will be perfect.

    I also think those who have to wait for a baby appreciate them all the more. They celebrate in a different way. Or at least all the women I know who had the longing for a child long before they got one.