Curve Ball

Here I am...in left field....ready to catch? Throw? Run? What does a girl in left field do, anyway? When I was little, I preferred to stare at the sky, play in the dirt, and talk to the other kids on base...which resulted in my parents deciding paying for a summer softball team every summer was probably not the best investment.

But...I guess that's where I'm at. Waiting and ready to catch that ball. Whatever it looks like. And whenever it comes. Whether it's here, overseas, with a husband and family, on my own...only the Lord knows.

"In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

So...lately I've been enjoying the first bit of time when I get to school. I try to get there early enough that I have just a few minutes to sit in my car and read a little from the Bible. It's so quiet, and just that little bit of peace I need before I step out and the rush of my day begins. Today I read Proverbs 16. It has been a recurring theme for my life lately, I'd say.

Randomness...I think I have talkingtoboysinpersonandonthephonewhohavepotentialforbeinglikedphobia. (That's because I couldn't find the real name for it, and I decided to make my own super long and cool looking name. Plus, it's more literal and easier to remember, right?) So, I am convinced the Lord will have to provide just the right guy at the right time, and probably throw him in my path...or something. I get TOO nervous when people try to set me up or "introduce" me to someone. I hate that feeling. Too awkward, and not fun for me. At all. Like...tight chest, nauseous, yucky feeling kind of no fun. When the guy calls, I can't pick up the phone, and then I am afraid call back...I suppose I'll get better at this with time. (As in this week, maybe tomorrow, time...so that I'm not rude.) I just never know what to say in the conversation. I know better than to say never, but I dare say I will never try to meet a potential guy online. I also get nervous when it's someone I already know. I know this is normal, but the fact that once I think I'm interested in a person I was perfectly fine talking to and hanging out with before, I can't even look at/sit by/talk to that person for long periods of time...is a little crazy. I experienced this in college. I have had guy friends I enjoyed talking to and hanging out with...but I didn't really look at them as any more than friends. When I did...life got awkward. And I have only had one friend I've ever been able to tell about my true feelings. I feel so blessed to have that friend, and God gave me the courage and boldness to be honest, yet know our friendship would continue after that. And it has. So...again, here I am Lord...waiting in the outfield....for that curve ball. Maybe I should practice my ball skills.

Let's just hope I'm not too busy staring at the sky and playing in the dirt to catch it, huh?...