Yesterday my roommate and I went to the St. Louis Zoo. It was such a beautiful day outside - God couldn't have blessed us with more amazing weather to enjoy a Spring Break day!
Of course it was busy on a pretty Spring day, and there were many families and children of all ages walking with parents, taking in the sights. And I just started to wonder...when you are a mom, do you just become less selfish?
I've heard many people I know say once you become a mother, your heart changes. You love in a way you never could have imagined before. You do anything you can to protect, nurture, educate, and love your children, and they are forever yours. Some have also said, though it's hard sometimes, you just learn to put your children first. So...I'm sure that it's a little of both - part of it is just natural, and part of it you have to work at like any relationship in life.
It's a feeling I can't imagine right now, though, because honestly...I don't even know what it feels like to share my time, energy, thoughts, etc. with a significant other. So far - life has been all about me. Not that I only think about me - I love serving others, doing mission work, getting to know people, building relationships with friends, and teaching/loving/caring for 550 children every day. But...as far as the things I do outside of my job - the ways I spend money, what I save for, girls' nights out, "me" time, what I read, watch, etc., traveling....and the list goes on - I really only have to stop and think, "Do I have time or money to do that right now? " or "Do I feel like going there today?" or "I think the laundry can wait another day..." Just so many different things that only affect me.
I also wondered, as I watched the parents interact with their children - will I be a mom who teaches my kids each day? Will I seek learning opportunities anytime I can and encourage them to explore and grow? Will I let them make mistakes and learn from them, or will I try to do everything for them? Will I be a stay-at-home mom, or will I want/need to work? Will I be a mom who puts my kids in front of the t.v. all the time because I'm too tired or don't feel like making the effort to play/teach? (I'm not judging parents who allow t.v. time - no worries! I'm more concerned that I will use that as an "all-the-time" excuse to not do other things...)
So, moms out there - do you become less selfish when you are a wife/mother? Is it hard to balance yourself and the needs of others?
I feel like right now I'm too selfish to be a mom. But...I also feel like God will ease me into that transition from "only me/selfishness" to slowly sharing myself with a best friend/life-mate, to sharing our time with a child/children...maybe it's just another one of those things that happens and you don't even realize it, then you look back and say - Wow! Look how God has changed me/my heart and blessed me with a family I could never have imagined myself?
Who knew going to the zoo could bring on so many thoughts... :)
You have no choice but to stop being selfish the moment you give birth. There's a tiny little person who depends on you for ALL of their needs. The week before Gene was born I was really bossy/assertive about doing things I wanted to do. I knew it was my last chance to make selfish decisions that were only about me. :P 99% of the time it's totally worth it. The other 1% you just wish you could sleep. :)
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