Saturday, May 21, 2011

I've always been fascinated by clouds. 
Isn't amazing how quickly they change sometimes, and how the different kinds can mix together? 

Waiting. Sometimes God teaches us through times of waiting. I don't understand His ways or His reasons, but I do understand He is in control. Always. He knows the plans He has for me. Even when I have to work hard to "like" them.

I loved looking at the sky the morning I took these pictures. I could have watched all day. 
The mixture of textures was just so beautiful. God is such an artist. 

I'm going to step out on the "honesty platform" and say I've just been through/am going through one of the hardest years of my life. No...I didn't walk through any major tragedies or lose a loved one. I wasn't in the middle of any natural disasters as much of our world has been. I am very blessed. In many ways. Don't get me wrong, or think I'm being unthankful. I have just been challenged to grow in trust through my relationship with God. I have taken so many steps I thought for sure were in His plans and then doors have closed. I have been stuck waiting, waiting, and waiting again. Ok, I know I said "stuck" but that is how it has felt, when really I know it was no "coincidence."

This one is my favorite. 

Maybe one of the best things about God and being in His will though, is that when we are praying and seeking Him, and we need to know if we are going in the right direction, He opens some doors and closes others. He has very clearly done that for me this year many times. Most recently, I applied for a position teaching ELL (English Language Learner) students in our school district. I really wanted the position, though I'm not yet certified. But, again He has closed a door. I will be teaching K-6 music in the same building again next year. There are many positive things about that, and I am blessed to have a job. Most of all I am blessed to get to care for my 550 kids again. I pray I am an example to them every day through my words, actions, and attitude. But my stomach hurts about this, and I'm anxious too. I will be praying hard that God will give me the desire to go back again next year and give it my all. I want to enjoy my work and feel adequate in what I'm doing each day. I don't feel that way this year. I feel like I'm surviving...every day. I pray that I will find my adequacy in Christ and not in myself or my career. I pray that through Him I will find joy and contentment in what I am doing despite any circumstance. 

It's not always easy following God. It's not supposed to be. But looking around, I see His awesome presence surrounding me - in the clouds, in the unique personalities of my kids, in people I meet, places I go, my passions and desires, in my salvation and my life...and I know He is a God who will never leave or forsake me. And I choose to follow matter where He leads. 

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